Top 10 cd's of 2006

Top 10 of 2006 (assuming that I shouldn’t count the copy of Exile on Main St I got for Christmas anyway)

Tom Waits- Orphans.
Tom has been holding out on us! This 3-cd set compiles a group of songs described by Waits as "Things that fell behind the stove while I was making dinner." Rather than simply burn all these b-sides, soundtrack cuts and such onto disc and let it go, Waits re-recorded the whole bit to give it some continuity, and divided it into three sections. Disc 1, "Brawlers," contains the roots/rockers of the set, disc 2, "Bawlers" contains the sentimental ballads, and disc 3, "Bastards" contains the real craziness- spoken word pieces, dark pub music and experiments galore. What could have been a collection for die-hards only that would have left them hitting the fast-forward button a lot is instead possibly Waits’ finest collection, richly textured, highly listenable and simultaneouly heartbreakingly beautiful and deeply disturbing. Had it been cut down to one disc it would almost certainly be butting heads with "Sgt Peppers" and it’s ilk for best album ever, but I wouldn’t take that job on a bet…there’s too much gold in here! Uneven and sprawling (or bawling) it may be, but unquestionably this is 2006’s best music.

Lindsey Buckingham- Under the Skin
The Fleetwood Mac maestro returns for his first album since the absurdly great "Out of the Cradle," and delivers the music we knew he had in him. An acoustic album almost entirely, the disc relies on Buckingham’s elegant fingerpicking and remarkably expressive voice to carry these songs, meditations on aging, fatherhood and general middle-aged angst. It’s not perfect by any means, he overutilizes reverb and chorus to the point of distraction sometimes, and cuts like the Stones cover "I Am Waiting" seem like filler, if pleasant filler. Recommended for anyone who can appreciate a simple good tune.

Tool- 10,000 days
Well, Tool could probably release a cd of armpit noises and it would be on the list. 10,000 days is a highly uneven affair, with long quiet passages breaking up the flow and ruining what continuity there might have been between the songs. And I don’t think that would have been much, these songs are all over the place. So how did it make the list? First off, the stereoscope packaging…even from a band that prides itself on interesting artwork, this is above and beyond. Second, the opener, "Vicarious," is the best straight up rocker the group has ever done, and firmly proves that Maynard’s lyrics are the only ones in rock currently worth reading. The real clincher is the "wings for Marie" suite. Evidently written about Maynard’s mother passing away after many years in a wheelchair, the song builds with classical precision to the brilliant climax- "call up the spirit, the son and the father/tell them their pillar of faith is ascending…give me my wings!" It simply must be heard to be believed, no rock band has attempted this sort of piece, and they pull it off with room to spare. There are other gems too…"the Pot" is the best song Perfect Circle never recorded, "Rosetta Stoned, once it gets past the annoying intro, is Tool at their creepy best. Not as good as "Aenima" for sure, but a great recording.

Beck- The Information
Everyone’s favorite Scientologist delivers on this album, a weird journey through the digital age. And if that sounds a lot like his past albums, well, let’s just say this one is better. Easily his best since "odelay," this CD actually had me dancing around the house, and I’m not that kind of guy. The do-it-yourself cover art is nifty too. Check out "Cellphone’s Dead."

Mastodon- Blood Mountain
There’s not a lot new here for those who heard their last album "Leviathan:" jaw-dropping musicianship, angular compositions that swing with a dexterity usually reserved for jazz, and a good healthy sense of humor and fun. Metal’s best band right now.

Prince- 3121
Proving that "Musicology" was no fluke, the Purple one goes back to his roots and delivers a solid album, full of songs about chicks, God and, in the title track, his house. Deeply funky and fun. The vocoder effect may get a bit old, but it’s worth putting up with certain eccentricities to hear this glorious music. Prince is a national treasure. Best line: "you’ll be screaming like a white lady when I count to three…"

Lamb of God- Sacrament
Following up a monster like "Ashes of the Wake" is never easy. Rather than trying to continue pushing boundaries, LOG have released and album that just utterly rocks all the way through. "All killer, no filler" indeed! These guys make me proud to be from Richmond.

The Coup- Pick a Bigger Weapon
Proving that there is life in rap yet, The Coup is the new Public Enemy: impassioned and fierce, but with a healthy sense of humor…and most importantly a good ear for the beats. "babylet’shaveababybeforebushdosomethingcrazy" is easily the song title of the year.

Gwar- Beyond Hell
It’s a concept album in which Gwar are attacked in their Antarctic fortress by the Nazi pope, escape into underground tunnels which eventually lead them to hell, fight enemies including a crooked cop, the drugged-up spirit of rock, the Ultimate Bohab, and eventually Satan himself, and once victorious return to their wrecked castle, where they play an Alice Cooper song. Enough said.

Rebel meets Rebel
The lads from Pantera join David Allan Coe for some country metal, and it simply rules. "Nothin to Lose" is an instant classic, but every song on here is genuinely rocking. RIP Dimebag!

Honourable Mention:
Mushroomhead, "Savior Sorrow"
All That Remains, "The Fall of Ideals"
Bob Dylan,"Modern Times"
The Haunted, "The Dead Eye."
Cat Power, "The Greatest"
And the pleasant surprise of the year: Stone Sour, "Come What(ever) May." I can’t stand Slipknot, but this album is really good!

pedestrians, speed bumps and millions

As recently announced, the fine state of New Jersey has implemented a new program. 74 million dollars will be dedicated to the problem of pedestrian safety, namely to stop people from getting hit by vehicles. A modest proposal to save a bit of money would be this:

Instead of spending 74 million dollars, let's just tell all the major TV news shows and newspapers to put in a little blurb. 15 seconds or a couple of print lines will suffice, and I imagine threatening them with increase in licensing fees would take care of the cost. "attention residents. Please do not quickly move in front of fast moving vehicles, and especially not at night when you are wearing the equivalent of a druid's black robe. Cars have trouble stopping quickly, which is why brake repair is such a great business. And in all fairness, drivers should stop driving over pedestrians, as they are covered in far less metal padding and tend to get hurt feelings and other injuries."

There we go. The savings can be sent directly to my house.

Andrea Yates: The System has Failed

Experiencing a feeling of nausea as I watch the news is getting to be normal for me, but this is really too much. Andrea Yates is not guilty of murder?

Okay, it’s by reason of insanity. Fine and good…I have no doubt that she was insane when she committed these murders. In fact, I have no doubt that anyone who kills another outside of self defense is insane…they would have to be. Especially when the murder involves ones own children, killed one by one, watching them suffer. Insane? Absolutely! She claims that she believes she was possessed by the devil…were I of the Christian persuasion I would almost certainly agree.

I am not without sympathy for her. Obviously she was greatly suffering, and undoubtedly is now as well. She will be spending a long time in a hospital, possibly the rest of her life. And she will have to live with the knowledge and memory of the deaths of her children at her own hands.
But our penal system has a purpose, to insure that those who would commit crimes repay their debt to society, and ideally that they will then not commit the crimes anymore. Frankly I’m not too excited about the prospect of this pitiable but dangerous creature ever walking the streets again. What’s going to happen when she decides that the local 7-11 clerk needs to be saved from hell? What if she has more children?

As I say, it’s not the insanity part that bothers me. It’s the not guilty part. Andrea Yates is a murderer, a multiple, serial murderer, who went after her own flesh and blood in a meticulous and careful fashion. Had a man snuck into the house and killed the children in the same fashion, saying that he believed that their mother was possessed by Satan and he believed he was saving them from hell, would we be having the same reaction? Could we say he behaved any more sanely? Would he not deserve to live out his life in prison, and would we as a society not deserve to be safe from him?

This is a dangerous precedent folks. Next time the local youth group decides to tie a homosexual to a barbed wire fence, next time an abortion clinic goes sky high, next time a prostitute turns up dead, will it be a passable defense to say that the killers believed they were saving the victims from damnation?

Extreme examples, I admit. But I just saw that a woman who admittedly drowned her own children one by one was found not guilty, NOT GUILTY, for the same reason.

And finally, peace to the Yates family, who have at this point most certainly been through enough. Namaste.

moving to Jersey

Okay, I haven’t been too good about keeping up mr. blog here. Sorry about that. So I’m just going to knock out all the dirty details of the past couple of months in one swoop, and move on…

So the past couple of months have sucked a lot…starting from the beginning. One day I’m getting ready to head off to work, checking the traffic on traffic.com to see how clowned up the expressway was on that particular day, when I notice my little email flag go up. So I checked it, and learned that our close friend Harry had died in a car accident. We were somewhat prepared to deal with his loss, those of you who got to meet him know that besides being at an advanced age he had heart problems, joint problems, etc. But we couldn’t have expected this…plus Vera (Harry’s wife) getting hurt.

Well, after calling Stephanie to let her know, I decided to go on to work as I couldn’t think of anything else to do with myself. About 2 hours later I get a call from Stephanie notifying me that she had found a story online about the accident, at which point I had the breakdown that had been coming. This was immediately followed by the news that her employer had decided to announce that particular day that we were being transferred to Hammonton, New Jersey (Blueberry capital of the world, fools.)

So we had to look for a new place to live. After taking time to visit Vera we started calling around, and it seems that renters in Jersey aren’t too keen on cats and rabbits. We decide to see if we qualify for a mortgage. Not really expecting to, after all we’re currently carrying tens of thousands in Stephanie’s student loans and had only been in our jobs for a few months. Suprisingly, we were told we were approved! So we start looking at houses, have a meeting with our realtor (he does tech support at Stephanie’s office and I’ll happily recommend him if anyone needs one around here) and all that kind of thing. Then we call the mortgage lender to get a certificate so we can make offers and get told "oops, I didn’t take into account your student loans, plus neither of you have been in your jobs for even a year, so you qualify for ass." I’m still considering sending this clown a bill for my gas and time out of work looking at places.

We begin again looking for a place to rent and set up some appointments, eventually settling on a duplex that I just fell in love with. Just goes to show that I have no taste…we’ll get to that later. In the meantime my favorite bunny, Whitey, passed away. Whitey has had chronic health problems for years, but suprisingly I have reason to believe she was accidentally suffocated by her roommate, sister, best friend and life partner Dr. Moo. At this point I’m getting pretty tired of grieving.

Our lease was to start May 13th. We decided to get our moving truck on the 20th, giving me a week to move art, guitars, etc. and do a little cleaning. When we arrived to do some carpet measuring, sign the lease and put down the rest of our deposit, we were informed that eviction proceedings against the previous tenant had not gone through properly, so we couldn’t take the lease until the 20th…that they thought our statement that we planned to put a little area rug in the bedroom meant that we planned to put in wall to wall carpet and so had left the floor as bare subfloor, and that they had "forgotten" the keys so we couldn’t get in to measure. (sigh) I did manage to get an agreement to put down something on the floor in the bedroom, as we had no plans on carpeting a rental house.

Now is the time for Uhual to come into the picture. As already noted, we planned to get the truck for the 20th, so the crisis is not too bad yet. Uhual was to call me on the 19th and let me know when and where I could get my truck the next day. And they did…letting me know that the truck would be ready at 2 in the AFTERNOON, 45 minutes from our house in Lansdale. I informed Uhual (hereafter called "Usuck" for my own amusement) that this wasn’t really too great, and was told that even though we had had a reservation for weeks, it was tough to get a truck on weekends. I was also unable to get directions to the place, as the attendant who answered the phone spoke only the barest rudiments of English. So, we decide to trot out to Jersey in the morning and get keys, then get the truck in the afternoon and load up.

The next morning I call up Usuck, again trying to get directions to our truck. We had no maps or computer to check on how to get to the place (in Doylestown.) A call to the station got me hung up on by a cranky young fellow. I called Usuck’s central office, and twice got transferred to random gas stations that naturally had no idea where Lansdale or Doylestown were. Finally the third station took pity on me and pulled out the maps, and even looked up the addresses on the computer to give me directions. I wish I had written down the name of the station and who I talked too so I could commend them to their corporate offices…guys, if you’re reading this, step forward!

We then drive out here to Jersey to get keys. The landlord arrives, late, and says that all the previous tenants stuff, which is mysteriously still on the porch, will be removed that Monday. We are then let in, to realize that nothing, absolutely nothing, had been repaired or cleaned. The floor in the bedroom had been done, by her 12 year old son. He did a great job…FOR A 12 YEAR OLD! Even the cabinets hadn’t been emptied, there was a canine fecal testing kit, luckily unused, in a kitchen cabinet for instance…and a bag of what may have been grapes in the bathroom, along with a broken window (now fixed, in their defense.) there were, and still are, a derelict car and trailer in the yard, along with obscene amounts of trash. When I brought up our disgust with the condition the house was left in, I was told that it had been assumed that since we were in a hurry to get in we would do all the cleaning. "True," says I, "we wanted to get in on the 13th!"

So we head back to Lansdale to get our truck and get moving. We finally find the Usuck place, and are told that…there’s no truck. Yup. Calls were made, and a truck was found in Colmar, on the way back to Lansdale. Fine, we say, as it is now 3:00 and we really need a truck. No dice, the place in Colmar swears up and down that we may not have the truck, it is already reserved. Usuck tells me then that they have found one in Pottstown, which is about an hour from Lansdale, in the other direction. It is now 4:00. I offer to take the truck at a heavy discount or even take the much smaller truck at the station and make two trips if it is at the same price…again, no dice. "we would be losing money" they said. "Why is that my problem?" I said back…but clearly it was. I cancelled the reservation and told them I wanted my deposit FULLY refunded…they said I would have to call on Monday. In the meantime Stephanie has called Budget, and they tell us we can have a truck the next day. Great.

Well naturally we had a call when we got home, Budget had no truck. At least they gave us a day’s notice…but we set up a reservation with them for the next week. Far more expensive, but we’re still trusting them more than Usuck.

So I spend a week cleaning and moving little stuff as I can…moving day comes. We get the truck from Budget…24 feet. There is no way I should be allowed to drive a truck that big…going under a low bridge in town was the most terrifying thing ever. I go to Lowe’s to get our new washer and dryer, and after making me wait for half an hour they inform me that someone sold our dryer. (sigh) But, they gave us the next model up at the same price. Lowe’s, the only business that really comes out good here.

From here it gets better. We made the move all in one day. The problems are getting smaller…Usuck finally refunded my deposit. They informed me when I called that they had only charged $5.00, and when I told them that it was nice that it had been reduced to a token insult refunded that. I had a message to call a manager to make it right about the trouble, and when I called back got put on hold for 30 minutes before I gave up. They sent coupons…as if we plan to ever give them an ounce of business again…the house is looking a lot better, and we are slowly getting the problems fixed. Cassidy burned his foot on the stove but is okay, I took him to the vet and they put a really cute yellow bandage on it. Stephanie likes her new office a lot, and since we’re so close to Atlantic City I’m thinking of becoming a blackjack dealer. Life goes on…

And that’s the story of the Cooks moving to Jersey.

Merry Solstice, Bill

Oh, I’m so over this already. I’m so over the Christmas season. Tacky décor, horrible music, bad tempered people spending all their money, yark.

So when Bill O’Reilly says that it would be a good thing to overhaul how we view the season, I’m all for it. Frankly, after a few years working in retail I know the "holiday spirit" myth is bunk. Is it the holiday spirit that causes people to get into fistfights in Walmart the day after Thanksgiving? I have been cursed out three times in my life, soundly and personally cursed, because the store where I worked was out of ROBOT VACUUMS on December 24th. Seriously, robot vacuums, I mean the things don’t even work.

But one thing that has always made me happy about this time of year is the effort to include different traditions into the holiday season. True, someone saying "Merry Christmas" to me does not offend me. But to make that effort to recognize that I may be Jewish, or Muslim, or Hindu, or none of the above, and say "Happy Holidays" instead…it warms my heart.

Imagine if I greeted everyone this season with "Blessed Rohatsu." I imagine most would find it odd that I’m giving a greeting for a holiday they don’t celebrate. Ahh…welcome to my world.

So here’s my theory. If Lowe’s wants to call their trees "holiday trees" or "christmas trees," that’s their business and none of mine. And none of Bill O’Reilly’s either.

This is bigger than the holidays of course. We are to accept the idea here that somehow the Christian majority is being undermined, persecuted even. And it’s a bunch of crap. Religion is doing better in this country than ever, and if you don’t believe it look at the numbers for Evangelical church attendance. Or listen to our president discuss his feelings on faith. Not that this is a bad thing. America was founded in part on free religion, and it’s a great thing. But the fact is, this is NOT a Christian nation, which brings me to my key talking point:

IF A PERSON OR INSTITUTION WISHES TO ISSUE A MORE INCLUSIVE HOLIDAY GREETING, THEY SHOULD NOT BE PUNISHED. IF THEY WISH TO SAY "MERRY CHRISTMAS" OR "HAPPY HANUKKAH" OR "TIP-TOP TET," THIS IS THEIR BUSINESS AND THEY SHOULD NOT BE PUNISHED.

So to Mr O’Reilly, I wish a big happy holidays, and hope that you will stop spending the season encouraging our fragile minded leaders to bring religion into the public forum. Your robot vacuum is coming UPS.

Election Day Follies: New Jersey Edition

Today New Jersey (AKA New York’s Basement) elects a new governor, thank heavens. For anyone who has not been following this race, it has seen the escalation of negative politics to previously unheard of levels…this race makes the Bush/Kerry rivalry look like a picnic in the park in autumn. Since moving to Philly we have seen untold commercials by the two discussing how much bigger of a jerk the other candidate is, while studiously avoiding discussing any actual issues of policies, experience, shoe size, or anything else that could be construed as relevant about themselves. Basically, Jon Corzine and Doug Forrester have turned this race into something like a public email slap-fest.

New Jersey (motto: "Springsteen is from here, everybody likes him, right?") has had a rough go of it lately. For those who missed the fun, their last elected governor Jim McGreevey resigned under what could be called a "cloud:" he revealed that despite being married he was homosexual and had given a rather important job to a romantic interest, the job of homeland security aide. First off, this gives an interesting insight into what may have led Bush to select Michael Brown as FEMA director. But more importantly, it sets and ugly precedent for what has been an ugly race.

We haven’t done too well over here in Pennsylvania (Motto: "Work area, fines doubled") either. We just survived a fun bit with our state legislature wherein they decided at 2 am to vote themselves a huge pay raise (Up to 50% for some,) and then decided to use a loophole called "unvouchered expenses" to collect the raises during their present term, which of course is highly illegal anywhere in the civilized world. Between that and the tranportation strike set up by SEPTA (motto: "Gimme!") and the antics of Philly councilman Ray Mariano (Motto: "Uh oh, I did it this time!") I’ve pretty much given up on local politics.

But I still feel bad for New Jersey (Motto: "Sorry about Atlantic City!") Especially for new voters. Everyone wants young people to vote, and Puff Diddly or whatever the hell his new name is says he’ll kill you if you don’t. But with these choices, what really is the point? I’m glad I don’t have to vote. But if I did, it would be for Corzine. Here’s why:

As a final effort in the race, the Forrester campaign decided to run a "commercial" which consisted of a black screen with a quote from Corzine’s ex-wife saying, in effect, that he had let his family down and would probably let New Jersey (AKA "Pennsylvania’s Wacky Neighbour!") down as well.

Now, I’ve had a couple of rough relationships. I once had an ex get me turned down for a library card. But really, this was a low, uncalled for shot. Maybe Mr. Corzine could have been a better husband. Or maybe his wife is just bitter. Or more likely, both. Either way, I fail to see what is has to do with the race. So I guess it would be a pity vote, but I’m okay with that.

To everyone who went out to vote today, good job. And to the politicians of the world, get your acts together for crying out loud, or I’ll get nasty notes from your first grade teachers and put them on TV.

Namaste

GWAR at the Electric Factory: Review

20 years of GWAR, how about that? For two decades now Dave Brockie and crew having been raising utter mayhem across the country and overseas, creating an admirable catalogue of albums and consistently putting on the best shows in rock music. I’ve said it before, seeing a bad GWAR show is still better than 95% of the other live entertainment music has to offer. But seeing a great GWAR show now…

But first a word on the Electric Factory, as this was my first visit…I found it quite impressive. Those from Richmond who remember the Flood Zone would feel right at home (and that of course makes it a great place to see GWAR,) the layout is similar but with higher ceilings, better lighting, cool movie projectors on the wall and (gasp) clean bathrooms. I also appreciated their enthusiastic and cheerful parking attendants…

The first band of the night was Mensrea, featuring Cory who performs as Flattus in GWAR without costume. I enjoyed the set, but it didn’t seem to get the crowd going too much…I think their complex rhythm work may have been a bit overwhelming for a first band. They put on a solid performance with impressive musicality though and were mostly well received, except for one little turd in my vicinity who kept yelling "Fuck you, where’s GWAR?" between songs. Evidently, no one informed the chap that part of GWAR was right there…Mensrea’s CD, what I’ve heard of it, is quite good by the way.

Next up was A Dozen Furies. I went down to the front for these guys, and I’m glad I did. I listened to their album before the show and honestly it didn’t do much for me, but live these guys really shine. Acrobatic, full of energy and doing all kind of wild jumps during their set while keeping an extraordinarily fast tempo going. Most interesting to me (besides the fact that they managed to avoid colliding with each other) was the guitarists water trick, which involved guzzling water between songs and then simultaneously blowing the water in the air during the song. I listened to their cd after the show and meh, I still didn’t dig it that much, but I’ll go see these boys anytime they’re in town for sure. Incidentally, it was during their set that the very caustically angry lad in front of me got booted for flicking a cigarrette at one of the guitarists. At which point I was able to get right on the rail, woot.

And then…Devildriver. Anyone who wants to know what I see in extreme metal, here’s what you do: go see Devildriver. Stand up front. And wear earplugs. Devildriver does the sort of old-school, fun thrash music that the world needs more of, and nobody gets a crowd riled like Dez (formerly of Coal Chamber) does. I wasn’t in the pit for the enormous circle pit the band requested (complete with the bassist yelling "Gentleman, START YOUR ENGINES…," priceless) but juding from the crushing I soon experienced it must have been utter mayhem. Yay.

The main event…GWAR. But first, we got Melvin Freebish escorting out the Nazi pope…and during "Horror of Yig," the best song to start a show, both were decapitated. Also killed during the evening: Bush (with Oderus commenting that killing the president had become "GWAR tradition,") Dick Cheney ("We’re going down the chain of command tonight!") Sharon Osbourne (yay!) Michael Jackson (the most realistic of the victims by far) Bonesnapper (a character I still can’t warm up to, he was funny when he talked but now that he doesn’t he’s like some highly aggressive pile of guacamole) and…Gor Gor! My last two shows have been at the Crowbar in State College and Gor, who must stand at least 9 feet tall, wouldn’t fit, so it was a huge thrill to see the evil dino back.

Song selection was good…"Death Pod" and "Love Surgery" off "Scumdogs" were both welcome, hearing a rare "Road Behind" was awesome. Folks I talked to were dissapointed at the lack of "Sick of You," this is the first time I’ve seen them that they haven’t done it. SO I didn’t miss it, I did miss "Have you seen me?" though. Not that I’m complaining, when the encore is a 7 minute medley of all the songs off "Hell-O" it’s all good. Too bad some characters couldn’t have been brought back, Techno or Slymenstra would have been great. But as a whole, it was a great show. The timing was on, Oderus was in top form. The crowd was nuts. I walked out crushed, battered, bruised, stained red from alien blood and green from alien, er, ejaculate, and happy as can be.

No disrespect to the bands, but probably my top moment of the nightwas on the drive home. I couldn’t find 676 west, only east. So I thought I’d get on there and turn around…no go, it goes right to the Ben Franklin bridge which then goes to New Jersey. So I had to turn around in Jersey (not to the left though!) and go back over, paying a three dollar toll on the way. But the view from the mostly empty bridge at night was well worth it, this truly is the most beautiful of US cities.

Okay, maybe seeing Sharon Osbourne get chopped up was better. But you get the idea.